Is YWAM a Cult? Revisited

December 11, 2017

ywamTen years ago on December 13, 2007 while living in Hong Kong, I wrote a blog posting entitled Is YWAM a Cult?

Ten years ago I was wounded, unable to really process the pain from years of abuse my family and I had endured. I wrote as a way to process my feelings and thoughts…and I thought maybe there were others who had experienced something similar. Turns out there were thousands of people Googling the terms “is ywam a cult” or “ywam cult”.

Confirmation I was not alone in my suspicions about the organization that had played such an important role in my life since I could remember.

I had abandoned this blog, neglected posting for years at a time because I had moved on. I had a life to live (and in some cases just survive), but I would check on the blog maybe once a year or so. What I found was astounding traffic coming from the exact same Google searches. People are still concerned about YWAM and their own or their loved one’s involvement.

Over the years I have received pleas of help from concerned parents, aunts, uncles, siblings and friends asking me to help get their family member/friend out of YWAM. Multiple people contacted me concerned because their family member was not allowed to speak to their family whilst attending DTS (Discipleship Training School).

Let me repeat that: YWAM forbade their DTS students from talking to their own family. Think about that. I had a similar experience with YWAM. This is not an isolated occurrence within this organization.

I hadn’t looked at my stats for awhile what searches people used to land on my site, so I looked today and I was astounded and my heart ached that people have been so despondent in some of their searches.

The top search is still “ywam cult”, but there are so many others that have to make one think about the impact this organization has had on so many people.

“YWAM abuse, YWAM bad experience, YWAM Tyler cult, YWAM brainwashing, YWAM dangerous”

Thousands of searches, thousands of people.

The shooting at the Arvada, Colorado YWAM  in December 2007 spurred me to write about YWAM possibly being a cult. It took a tragedy to make me step out and ask a question about how YWAM works as an organization. A close look at how they treat people who do not conform to their rules.

Read this quote from an article (regarding the shooter at YWAM Arvada) in The Nation, The Nightmare of Christianity, from Max Blumenthal’s book Republican Gommorah: Inside the Movement That Shattered the Party:

“But as soon as Murray enrolled at YWAM’s training center in nearby Arvada in 2002, he found himself trapped in an authoritarian culture even more restrictive than home. He realized that, as another student of YWAM bluntly put it, the school’s training methods resembled “cult mind-controlling techniques.” Murray became paranoid, speaking aloud to voices only he could hear, according to a former roommate. He complained that six of his male peers had made a gay sex video and that others routinely abused drugs. Hypocrisy seemed to be all around him, or at least dark mirages of it. A week before Murray was scheduled to embark on his first mission, YWAM dismissed him from the program for unspecified “health reasons.” “They admitted that I hadn’t done anything wrong, just that they had prayed and felt I wasn’t popular/’connected’ and talkative enough,” he recalled.
Two years later, Murray raged at two YWAM administrators during a Pentecostal conference his mother had dragged him to attend. The shocked staffers promptly warned Loretta Murray that her son “wasn’t walking with the Lord and could be planning violence.” Within days, an ornery local pastor was allowed to burst into the young Murray’s room, rifle through his belongings, and leave with a satchel full of secular DVDs and CDs–apparent evidence of his depravity. Murray’s mother searched his room for satanic material every day afterward for three months, stripping him of his privacy and whatever was left of his love for her. After the trauma-inducing raids, in which Murray estimated his mother and her friends destroyed $900 worth of his property, he concluded, “Christianity is one big lie.”
Let’s review the structure of YWAM:
  • Love-bombing: this phrase was actually created by the Moonies. Love-bombing consists of showering of praise, immediate acceptance and friendship, superficial compliments and gifts.
  • Confession. This is used as emotional blackmail and used to degrade members so that they realize they are nothing outside of the group.
  • Authoritarian rule. God speaks only to the leaders and they decide who is “worthy” and who is not. Arbitrary and controlling rules regarding dating, eating, socializing, entertaining and use of computers.
  • No communication with “outsiders”. This includes family, who are not on the same level as a member of the group; they are not ‘enlightened’.
  • “Don’t touch God’s anointed”. The Scripture 1 Chronicles 16:22 is used to suppress dissent or questioning of theology or their rules. They are special and hear from God. You do not.
  • It’s all about the $. You must raise money regularly to pay “staff fees” and your basic living expenses. This resembles a pyramid scheme, where the lowest person in the pyramid must give the most, work the most, but receives little to nothing in return. This is “dying to self”. You will often see the head leaders of bases, district leaders and national leaders living very privileged lives.
  • Community living. Unmarried members must live in cramped, sometimes unsanitary dorms. No privacy whatsoever.
  • Slave labor. Work duties are one thing, but if you are seen as being ‘troublesome’, you will work more than your fair share. No accommodation for disabilities or physical or emotional pain. You pay money to live within YWAM, but if you’re a low level student or staff member, you will literally be a slave. This is where their “dying to self” and “giving up your rights” doctrine come into play.
  • Rejection, shunning, isolation, etc. If you are not obeying every command given to you or you question too much, you will be cut off from the group and thrown out.

These situations I personally experienced over my years with YWAM and many others have experienced the same. Hindsight is 20/20, but during my time within YWAM, all of these beliefs seemed normal. It was like being in an abusive relationship because that’s exactly what it was.

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Oh, you’re just negative…

December 10, 2017

Have you ever been told, “you’re just being negative” by someone in regards to your experiences in church or religious organizations? It seems that people in general want to sweep under the rug problems and concerns of those who have been abused or maligned in religious circles. Most people do not want to think about unpleasant things.

So what do you do when you’re treated this way? What do you do when people you thought you could trust discount or do not believe your experiences? This is a crossroad, a path for diverging from your current trajectory. You have to make a very difficult and possibly life-changing decision. Either stay and continue dismissive abuse or leave and start a new, scary path.

I am completely over my time in YWAM and the horrid and traumatizing time spent with them. It took a while and I had to remove people from my life, which was heartbreaking and disorienting, but now I’m free!

butterflies

I’m free!

Now the subject of church and religious people (the ones who do not demonstrate Christ), I admit a sore spot. It’s a half-way healed wound that keeps getting ripped open pretty regularly.

Let me explain: long story short, I lost everything, everyone and went from being well-off financially to being one step from homelessness. My entire family died within a six month span in 2015 and I was left without a support system. Widowed and orphaned.

I reached out to my church friends (had been reaching out and supporting them through their own trials for many years before my own losses). I was met with no empathy, compassion or familial support. My church friends and I had grown up together. We were a family of sorts, a chosen family, but they all decided I was an apostate for leaving the church that abused me, but also had abused them as well.

They felt that allegiance to a cult of personality was more important than real people. Again, shunned.

So again I ask: “where do I go from here”?

Here is my advice to myself and to you, dear reader if you are in a similar situation.

  1. Pray. Depending on your own spiritual path: pray, meditate, listen to encouraging music, write out your thoughts and ask for guidance on your life.
  2. Re-evaluate your needs, wants and must-haves. What do you need right now? Will simplifying your life help you?
  3. Reach out to others who can understand the pain of rejection and spiritual abuse. There are a lot of groups online for survivors of spiritual manipulation.
  4. Establish boundaries in your relationships. Protect your heart and mind from further unhealthy interference. This can be especially painful if you are co-dependent.
  5. Move. Maybe a change of scenery and opportunities to meet new people would be positive. I personally found that leaving the town I was raised in helped me move past a lot of hurt. There’s a big world out there and it can be like starting a whole new life by moving your home-base.
  6. Retreat. If moving is not financially or otherwise feasible, go on a retreat. It could be up to the mountains, the beach, take a walk around your neighborhood- time alone can be helpful when seeking enlightenment (especially for introverts).

In closing, I will leave you with this thought. Being a truth-seeker and truth-speaker is powerful. Disrupting powerful abusers (spiritual or otherwise) can cause a domino-effect. You may be ostracized for speaking out, but your voice can cause change. Your insistence on revealing truth might just help someone else who otherwise would have remained silent in their own abusive situation.

Speak in love and seek truth always,

Jen

Long time, no post.
This blog has taken on a life of its own, facilitating a necessary  outlet for those who are or have been in YWAM, as well as their family members.

I would love to hear stories from former YWAMers:

How did you leave?

Were you kicked out?

 

Open discussion is welcome. Let the healing begin.

A time for everything

August 5, 2011

I’m back…again.

There’s a time and a season for everything and for the last year and a half, I left this blog in order to attend to family concerns. I would check the blog occasionally, finding that it had taken on a life of its own without any maintenance. I discovered the posts and comments were cathartic to many, many individuals; a site for connection and reassurance.

It had become something I had wished had existed for me when I first realized the damage done to me by spiritual leaders…yet I could not find a site for former YWAMers like me.

I’m so happy that my venture into sharing my experiences with YWAM were able to foster hope, communication, and discussion and ultimately healing to so many. I pray it continues.

Be blessed,

Jen

Shiny happy people

January 27, 2010

Groupthink

8 main symptoms of groupthink:

1. Illusion of Invulnerability: Members ignore obvious danger, take extreme risk, and are overly optimistic.

2. Collective Rationalization: Members discredit and explain away warning contrary to group thinking.

3. Illusion of Morality: Members believe their decisions are morally correct, ignoring the ethical consequences of their decisions.

4. Excessive Stereotyping:The group constructs negative sterotypes of rivals outside the group.

5. Pressure for Conformity: Members pressure any in the group who express arguments against the group’s stereotypes, illusions, or commitments, viewing such opposition as disloyalty.

6. Self-Censorship: Members withhold their dissenting views and counter-arguments.

7. Illusion of Unanimity: Members perceive falsely that everyone agrees with the group’s decision; silence is seen as consent.

8. Mindguards: Some members appoint themselves to the role of protecting the group from adverse information that might threaten group complacency.

 

In my time within YWAM and a spiritually abusive church, I encountered all of these put forth by Irving Janis in  Decision making: A psychological analysis of conflict, choice, and commitment.

Any thoughts?

Shunned

June 23, 2009

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Have you ever been shunned?

In my earlier posts, I related some of the spiritual abuse my family and I received in YWAM and I would like to use some other incidents in YWAM on the subject of shunning. (If you have not read my previous posts, I suggest you read them here and here to catch up.)

Within a few weeks of my husband’s DTS, it became apparent that the base leaders considered us ‘troublemakers’ because we questioned unbiblical teachings. My husband was counseled to be more “teachable” and to not voice his opinions and for the most part, he tried to respect the leaders of the base by keeping quiet.

After our outreach was completed, the love feast was over, and the screaming from the female base leader subsided, my husband and I decided that we wanted to remain in Hong Kong and make a home for our family there. My husband is very well educated and had job leads from a V.P. of a major US company in Hong Kong, so he decided it was time to go to a tailor and have a suit made for future interviews. All this time we were still living at the base and my husband worked every day, all day doing hard physical labor so that we could stay at the base for just a short while after his DTS. (This was on top of the astronomical fees we were paying to stay there)

On a Saturday, his day off, we made our way to a tailor for my husband to be fitted for a business suit. A few days later, my husband was to pick up his suit after his work duties were finished. When the base leaders found out that my husband planned on getting a job in Hong Kong, they flew off the handle and forbid him to do so. They said they heard from G-d and that it wasn’t His will “thus saith the L-rd”. Just a few days later, we were told to vacate the apartment we had been paying for and my husband had been slaving for with only 2 days to get out.

We were terrified, yet we knew G-d would take care of us and our two small children. We asked a YWAM staff member who was a native Hong Konger if she would translate for us when we enquired about an apartment one evening. We made sure our meeting with a local landlady would not infringe on our YWAMer friend’s ‘duties’, and it was to take place on her own free time.

Our meeting time came and went and there was no sign of our Cantonese-speaking YWAM friend. We then went to the base to find here and we were met by the male base leader. He stopped us from going further into the base and he said that he would not allow our translator friend to help us because she did not ask the leadership’s permission! We both defended her and said she was helping us as a friend on her own personal time, but he would not listen. He said that he did not want us living in the same village as them because we “would give them a bad name”. The base leader looked at us with a wild, paranoid look in his eyes and threw us out of the base. The YWAM leadership told their staff to shun us, because we were ‘evil’.

We cried, we were freaked out by the encounter with the base leader who not only treated us badly, but caused our Chinese YWAMer friend to lose face. We DID find a translator, and the very next day, met with the local landlady. The local landlady asked if we were with the YWAM base, because she did not want to have anything to do with the YWAMers in the village. She thought they were strange, rude and not to be trusted because of her own dealings with YWAM in the village.

On the verge of homelessness (we were kicked out on the eve of the anniversary of Hong Kong’s return to the PRC, with no hotel rooms available), our non-Christian local landlady showed us great kindness. She allowed us to spend the night in our newly acquired apartment even though we were not to begin renting for 2 days, in fact, she did not charge us for the 2 extra days. We quickly moved from the YWAM apartment to our new home-sweet-home. When our landlady saw we had no furniture, she immediately carried up a table with four chairs, and 3 bed mattresses. We were overwhelmed by the kindness of a stranger, when we had been treated so cruelly by a YWAM.

godsend Our “godsend” apartment after being mistreated by YWAM.

I would be very interested to hear from other YWAMers about what they think of the base leadership shunning us. Also, I’d like to hear what people think of the huge control the base leaders have over staff members. I have heard many stories from other YWAMers being micromanaged by their leadership in many bases around the world.


I’m back

June 23, 2009

I apologize for my long hiatus from blogging. I’m beginning to feel the weight of truth-telling and at times it can be overwhelming. At times I considered closing up the blog altogether, but I cannot with a clear conscience do so after the many thousands, yes thousands of individuals who have reached out for help in their transition from YWAM to real life.

When I first set out to blog about my personal experiences with YWAM and spiritual abuse while growing up, I was warned by a very wise person that I may be opening a can of worms which cannot be put back. He told me that chances are that my husband and I will be ostracized from Christians, especially YWAMers. After months of contemplation, I made my first posting and it all snowballed from there. Overall the response has been encouraging with so many joining in a chorus of the voices of the those who have been trampled by spiritual abuse. On the other hand, there have been the vicious ones who have cursed me for speaking truth. So be it. I have allowed 99% of all comments on my blog and have only censored the ones who were revolting. I know I am just an anonymous voice on the vast Internet, but I am a human; sensitive to hurtful words at times. To say these horrid comments haven’t hurt me would be a lie, but I am determined to keep up this blog.

I feel that it is time for me to ask for input from others who have been abused in YWAM and survived. There are so many people coming to my blog because they are walking wounded from their time with YWAM.

If you have come out the other side from YWAM mistreatment, would you be brave enought to tell your story to help another?

If you do not want your name or base printed, that is perfectly fine. I understand firsthand that there can be a great out-lash at those who speak up. You will find this a safe medium to tell your story.

If so, please send your story to:

chasing.truth@yahoo.com

I pray that those who have been abused can find hope through this blog.

Jen

It’s taken me a long time to bring myself to write about my latest experience with YWAM. As I mentioned in earlier posts, I was basically raised in YWAM, as I had been involved with YWAM since from the age of eleven.

I also was raised in a very spiritually abusive church, where the pastor was the authority on all things spiritual and theological questioning was discouraged. My transition from spiritually-abusive-church to spiritually-abusive-ministry was very smooth, in fact, in the first 10 years or so of YWAM involvement, I saw YWAM as ‘saving’ me from an abusive church.

In the January of 1999, at the age of 18, I headed to Hong Kong to attend a Discipleship Training School with YWAM. Immediately, I felt much more accepted than I had at my home church; my fellow DTS students and I bonded quickly and formed long-lasting friendships.

The first week of DTS was about “breaking down strongholds” and we had a session of “repentance” with all YWAM staff and DTS students present. We were told to list all of the big sins in our lives, no matter how personal. To be honest, I had no ‘big’ sins to confess, so the leaders prodded my insecurity to find the hidden sins I harbored. They finally decided that I was guilty of the sin of pride because I had insecurity issues with my physical appearance. (What teenage girl doesn’t?) A male leader went on to tell me that I was not pretty, but God thought I was….gee, that helped my self-esteem.

Within a few weeks, it became apparent that the leaders of my DTS were hyper-vigilant against sexual sins of every kind. It was a very bizarre situation, they were practically gnostic in their beliefs on marriage and sex. The base directors constantly told us not to ‘be distracted’ from our calling by entering into marriage; according to them, marriage was evil and unholy.

Another issue was a prevalent teaching throughout YWAM on spiritual warfare. There was a teaching that satan was everywhere and had his hands in everything not deemed holy; any bad occurance was due to satan attacking the saints. Or there was another popular thought that there was ‘sin in the camp’ if some bad times came upon the base. At times, it seemed like there was a medieval witch hunt searching for the one who brought demonic attacks.

By the end of the DTS, the base directors approached me about joining their staff, but I declined. They warned me again about being distracted from a calling. I left my DTS with mixed feelings. God had worked in my life, but the ywam leaders had a strange brand of theology. -I second-guessed myself, believing that maybe I just misunderstood their teachings. I could not truly bring myself to believe that ywam was flawed. I felt maybe I just needed to study more.

Fast-forward to 2007.

My husband (DH) was laid off from his job, my mother committed suicide, and my family felt we needed to get out of our hometown to re-evaluate our lives. My husband had been wanting to attend a DTS, and the timing seemed perfect. In January of 2007, our family, including our 2 young children, traveled to Hong Kong for him to attend the DTS.

I was expecting to be welcomed back to the base with open arms, but I found a very cold and callous reception. I was treated very badly by one leader in particular who had been a leader during my DTS. Eventually it became clear as to why I was being treated badly. -Marriage was not holy and I was a ‘sinner’ for being distracted from my call.

My husband is highly educated (MBA) and an intellectual and he had an especially hard time during the DTS.

The lecture phase of my husband’s DTS went fairly smoothly, except when he voiced concern over teachings that were in direct contradiction to the Bible. My husband was tactful, be he was quickly marked a “trouble-maker” and was chastised by the DTS leader. In fact, the leader was perfectly ok with incorrect theology being taught. From then on, it was downhill for our family, including my two children, ages 2 & 5. Our family was shunned and gossip was rampant. We were unliked because we wanted the base to teach sound doctrine.

The time came for outreach and it was decided that our family would only travel with the team for 2 weeks, then we were to go to another city on our own. Simply, the leadership didn’t want us near the younger team members because we believed in questioning troublesome theology.

We flew to a large southwestern city in China where we were met by our missionary sponsor. For his security, I will call him “Mark”. I knew Mark from my DTS, as he and his wife were leaders at the Hong Kong base. My husband and I felt that we would have a productive and positive experience during our outreach, but unfortunately, that was not the case.

Mark thought of himself as a bold evangelist living in China, and he thought nothing of teaching Christianity in his college English classes. My husband was mortified when Mark told the students that he was the same as Mark. Spouting religion is a good way of a one-way ticket out of China, so we felt Mark was very foolish. The only “ministry” DH took part in was grading and teaching for Mark’s English class, along with the occasional visit to a Bible study.

Unfortunately, DH felt at one time comfortable in sharing with Mark some issues he had with his DTS lecture phase, such as the screwy theology and the gossip. This came back to haunt us later.

DH and our family arrived back in Hong Kong at the conclusion of our outreach and found that the mood was even more hostile towards us. Our DTS ended with a ‘love feast’ in which we report back, give testimonies, awards are given, etc. Our family was segregated to the back of the room & none of the fellow DTSers or staff would even talk to us. I tried not to be too sensitive, but it was a very humiliating experience.

After the ‘love feast’, it was time for the debriefing with the base directors and the DTS leader. DH thought everything would go well because he had learned and grown and had improved himself during the time in Asia. Wham! The female base director screamed at DH and told him he had no value, and no personal character. She continued on a hateful tirade for 30 mins. and would not allow DH to even defend himself. It takes a lot for DH to cry and this woman had reduced him to hysterics. As it turned out, Mark had told all that DH had told him in confidence to the base directors.

Basically, we were “evil” because we believed in questioning the leadership who acted inappropriately. The base leaders said we were in rebellion because we did not obey their every command and did not revere them.

After the completion of the DTS, we asked if we could stay for a week or two while we searched for an apartment in Hong Kong. We paid the rent and fees completely and DH was required to do heavy, physical labor at the base during the day. DH had a gout attack and asked to do less physical work, but he was not allowed any break from the physical work. He worked on in terrible pain and eventually the leaders came to him saying that they did not want him near the base anymore because he was too “negative”. We were also told we had just a few days to vacate the apartment we were renting from the base. We had no where to go. It was Hong Kong’s 10 year anniversary of the return to China, so all hotels were full. In effect, we were going to be homeless and on the streets of Hong Kong with our children.

Thankfully, we had met two other couples who had also left the YWAM base (under similar circumstances) and these wonderful people were able to help us find a translator to find us an apartment. We found an apartment in the very same village that the YWAM base was in & the landlady allowed us to move in right away, 3 days for free, so that we would not be homeless. During the negotiations with our translator and our new landlady, the landlady asked if we were “with the other foreigners” – meaning the YWAM base. We came to find that the YWAM base had a very bad reputation in the village.

The people of Hong Kong, particularly in the rural New Territories where we lived, speak Cantonese; however, the base leadership would never be bothered to learn any Cantonese. They always would speak in Mandarin to the villagers. There was absolutely no outreach to the village the base inhabited. The base is locked away behind a big, black gate and the villagers do not trust those who work with YWAM there.

Our landlady would not have rented to us if we had been with YWAM…we see now how well God took care of us when the situation was “impossible”. Despite the base leaders’ best efforts to discredit and harm us, the Lord gave us a home and a good reputation in the village.

My earliest memories of YWAM were from the age of six. Our church hosted a special presentation, a drama, called Toymaker and Son. I was in awe of the dancing and drama and the beautiful costumes and make-up. I have always been drawn to the “artsy” side of life. I spoke with one of the YWAMers in the troupe and told her I wanted to do the same thing when I grew up.

The church I was raised in regularly accommodated YWAM teams over the years, so I was was very accustomed to the way and teachings of YWAM. Afterall, YWAM’s teachings mirrored what my home church taught.

I began to go on mission trips with YWAM at the age of eleven. In the beginning, everything was a wonderful experience and I truly felt that I was making a difference. When I was 15, I attended a Summer of Service and Training (SST) with the YWAM Tyler base. This was the base I was most familiar with and many young people from my church had attended a DTS at Tyler.

The SST took place in Atlanta, GA during the 1996 Summer Olympic games. I went with two friends from my church youth group. We were picked up from the airport and taken to the “church” we would be living at for the next month while we ministered. The church, however, was really a burned-out, rodent-infested, rainsoaked (roof was caving in) warehouse. Really, it was shocking, and I had worked in the cardboard villages in Mexico, but this was worse. There were definite safety concerns and my female teammate called home immediately and begged her parents to fly her back home. Within a day, she was gone and her parents were enraged by the conditions YWAM was allowing 12-21 year olds to live in for a month.

I toughed it out, but I was scared to death, as I had to tread through ankle deep water (full of who knows what with hundreds of people tracking through it all day) just to get to the bathroom. Within a couple of days, out SST leaders called a meeting and said that Satan was attacking our ministry in Atlanta. Apparently, the media found that about 500 teenagers were living in a burned-out, condemned warehouse and the media swarmed the YWAM encampment. Our leaders told us we had to be relocated to another church, but in order to leave, we had to sneak out the back so the media wouldn’t see us. In fact, our leaders said that they didn’t want city officials to know 500 youth were staying in the warehouse….definitely something illegal was going on. I wanted to leave, but I felt I had to ‘prove’ my worthiness of being a missionary, and I was convinced all of the media hype was a demonic attack on YWAM. I couldn’t bring myself to thing YWAM might do something underhanded or illegal.

All 500 of us were relocated to a church gymnasium in a suburb of Atlanta. We began to have intense teaching and small group sessions. SST was considered a mini-DTS and this was the first time I was introduced to the popular Third Wave teachings of C. Peter Wagner, Winkie Pratney, George Otis Jr., and the Moral Government Theology. Our worship times many times lasted hours, while there were many “manifestations” of charismatic/pentecostal “gifts”. Speaking in tongues, dancing wildly, screaming, etc. were common-place and at times, scary. Although I came from a charismatic/pentecostal church, disorder was not encouraged, however at YWAM, disorder was the mainstay.

When it came time for the 500 of us to be put into ministry teams, I went forward to volunteer for the music ministry since I had a lot of experience in music and drama ministry. The leaders in charge refused to allow me to be in music ministry, even though I had the ability and gifting to do so. I was confused. Later, I realized why I hadn’t been picked. The leaders paraded the chosen musical youth on stage and the reason was so obvious. The girls chosen were tall, slender, model-esque and well, sexy. I was short, a bit chubby, nonetheless cute, but not sexy as the girls chosen. This was one side of YWAM that I have found throughout. -The “beautiful people” are preferred and chosen for key leadership, although the talent may not back the looks.

The culmination of my SST in Atlanta was a YWAM-wide meeting in a rented out ballroom. Thousands of YWAMers crowded into the ballroom and we awaited out speaker. We had already heard from Winkie Pratney, Leland Paris, and many other big names. This time, we were to hear from Loren Cunningham himself. The crowd was in a frenzy. When Loren Cunningham took the stage, the awe from the group was palatable. I personally was in shock. I took over 30 pictures of him. Now, looking back as an adult, I see that I had placed Loren Cunningham on a pedestal, but also most of the YWAMers in the ballroom did as well.

For years I was in denial that YWAM could possibly be a cult. I just couldn’t bring myself to think that YWAM could in any way be corrupt, but after opening my mind, using the reasoning abilities God gave me, and doing a lot of research, I see that there is so much wrong.

I know many sincere people in YWAM, many kind people in the organization, but there is definitely something wrong with the organization as a whole.

I write this not to bash YWAM, but I write this as a beacon of hope to those who may stuck in an abusive group, whether it’s YWAM or another group. There is a way out, but thinking outside the box of what you were taught is extremely painful. It can be disillusioning. Thankfully, God has brought me and my family out of our recent experience with YWAM (I will write on that in a future post), and I hope others will find their way out of spiritually abusive organizations.

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