I’m back

June 23, 2009

I apologize for my long hiatus from blogging. I’m beginning to feel the weight of truth-telling and at times it can be overwhelming. At times I considered closing up the blog altogether, but I cannot with a clear conscience do so after the many thousands, yes thousands of individuals who have reached out for help in their transition from YWAM to real life.

When I first set out to blog about my personal experiences with YWAM and spiritual abuse while growing up, I was warned by a very wise person that I may be opening a can of worms which cannot be put back. He told me that chances are that my husband and I will be ostracized from Christians, especially YWAMers. After months of contemplation, I made my first posting and it all snowballed from there. Overall the response has been encouraging with so many joining in a chorus of the voices of the those who have been trampled by spiritual abuse. On the other hand, there have been the vicious ones who have cursed me for speaking truth. So be it. I have allowed 99% of all comments on my blog and have only censored the ones who were revolting. I know I am just an anonymous voice on the vast Internet, but I am a human; sensitive to hurtful words at times. To say these horrid comments haven’t hurt me would be a lie, but I am determined to keep up this blog.

9 Responses to “I’m back”

  1. Provender said

    I was recently on a site that purported to discuss spiritua abuse, only it was a blame-the-victim approach. Unless you’ve lived it, it’s hard to believe it sometimes. But if brave voices like yours continue to speak out, maybe people will begin to believe it without having to endure spiritual abuse first. Bravo.

  2. Desiree said

    Hello Jen,

    it’s fantastic that you are keeping this up. At the time I left my DTS not much had been published yet about negative experiences. I am very glad to have found this place some weeks ago.
    Just the fact that I now know that I am not the only one provides great consolation. I may be contacting you soon because I have some ideas about a website myself. It will probably be geared slightly more towards the actual psychological and spiritual damage one suffers unknowingly, and hopefully ways to recover from them and grow into a mature person (again).

    I have been thinking about possible negative assaults, but you know what: having been on the other side I’ll probably hardly be surprised by what they are going to say – I know the standard replies and lingo, and also the more hateful and vicious side derived from it by some possibly super obsessed individuals. I am also hoping that it will only help to expose the downsides of YWAM and similar organisations more clearly.

    So: thank you for doing this!

    Kind regards,


    • Daisy said

      Hi Jen,

      here’s some moral support for you; my website is finally in the air. As I can see, you’ve already found the link yourself – and it’s not even indexed in Google yet, it’s a small world 😉

      Best wishes, Daisy

    • shanna gallina said

      Please contact me I need to talk to someone !!!!! 501-679-0505 or 562-841-9274

      • Daisy said

        Hello Shanna,

        for some reason I have received a notification about your post only today, even though it appears you have written it already at the end of July!?
        I am not in the US, can you send me an email to dayceray@gmail.com and we can discuss or maybe Skype from there…

        But maybe this all comes a bit late for you now anyway…?



  3. Aimers said

    I am SO glad you are keeping this up! it’s helped me TONS!

  4. Jacob said

    I have to say that I am truly impressed with the honesty in your writing about YWAM and the negative implications it has had on your life. For that I am very sorry. I was searching for blogs dealing with YWAM because I leave in 2 months for Holland for a DTS. I had never even considered YWAM to be something that could have a negative effect on someone’s life. It is good to know that there are experiences like yours out there. Although I have had a few friends go through a YWAM DTS just in the past 2 years and I see an incredible image of Christ in them, unlike many proclaimed followers of Christ.

    One thing that troubled me when reading your blog post about your YWAM experiences was I didn’t find anything that talked about you praying for God’s guidance in your life. Where was He in your life when you kept feeling like your lacking something post dts? I think one of the most important things in life is to ask God what His will is for your life; allowing Him to use you to your fullest potential. That may be in the mission field or as the ceo of large corporation. No matter where God sends you, it will be the direction that gives many eternal life and gives you a sense of worth while working for Him.

    I do realize now that there are many YWAM bases that do operate differently with different people. I can see how there could be a few bad eggs, but I truly believe that no matter what the experience; there’s always relief by turning to God for help or guidance or just to praise Him for anything and everything.

    May God Bless You,

    • Ben said

      Wow dude… Jumping down someone’s throat with a question/statement about whether they were asking God what his will was while in the midst of an abusive situation is loco.

    • Pabbs said

      Hey Jacob, I hope you have an amazing time in your DTS. Yes, YWAM certainly gave a lot of people a bad experience, but also gave more than 5 million a great one. You are right in one thing, my experience is that people that suffered spiritual abuse lost other networks of support (family, local church, friends) and that left them more vulnerable to abuse. Once one is to far down the track, it’s really hard to hear God’s voice and find personal guiding. Ben puts that in other words, but it’s true. A significant sign that you are in a place of potential abuse is when you are cut off other relationships. I never saw that happening in YWAM, on the contrary I was always encouraged to keep open lines of communication and accountability, but it doesn’t seem to be the experience for others. Blessings, mate, have a great time!

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